we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
