The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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