Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
