i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
