the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
