uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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