So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
