i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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