I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
