Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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