worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
