I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
