just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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