They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So vagazzling was a success
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
