omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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