I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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