I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
