So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
