Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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