My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Randomize
