His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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