It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
