Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
