fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
