I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
