So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
