He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
