Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
