Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
