Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
