Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
