Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
