um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
