She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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