the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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