Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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