it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
