I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
