the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
