The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
