I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
