It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
