gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
