The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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