i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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