Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He kissed a someone with a penis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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