I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
