Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
