I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
