so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
