it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
