I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
