My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
