found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
