Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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