Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
