I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
