Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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