I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
