i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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