Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
